Let's Just Be Real

One of my biggest struggles is fear.  I know, shocker! I think most of us deal with it. I've dealt with it since I was a child.  I was then and still am a people pleaser.  I'll do whatever it takes to make people like me.  Whether it's overextending myself saying yes to whatever they need or doing things that make me uncomfortable, I'm so afraid people won't like me for who I really am, that I mold myself into the person I think they want me to be.  

Fear also grips my daily activities.  I like the mundane, it's comfortable and safe.  I can make up a hundred excuses and find just as many ways to keep myself busy so I don't have to do the uncomfortable things.  I can plan for the new adventure or goal for months, never taking the first step in actually doing or achieving it.  I can't fail if I don't try, right?!

Last Monday, I joined 50,000 people who like to get up early and run 6.1 miles for fun for the 40th Annual Bolder Boulder.  Running has become an achievable goal for me, that I do for me.  Not trying to sound selfish or self-centered, but self-care is oh so important.  The weather was perfect for most of the race, cloudy (no chance of meatballs), and cool.  Then as I hit mile 5 the sun came out, granted it may have only been about 60 degrees outside it felt like 102.  At this point, the calf strain I had suffered in my left calf a week earlier was reminding me that we hadn't rehabbed it enough.  I was getting tired!  Luckily, I had strategically set up my playlist for such a moment.  As DJ Khalid gave me the motivation to "Don't Quit" I surged ahead, that is until the home stretch.  The "scorching" heat from the sun and the now cloudless sky began to take its toll during mile six.  Then came the final hill in the final push into Folsom Field on the CU Boulder campus.  I have a love-hate relationship with hills, I love to hate them.  They surround my home and make any kind of pace training nearly impossible.  (On a side note this is where the name of the blog came from.)  There is a gradual, on a normal day, not so bad hill in the last tenth of a mile heading into Folsom Field.  I hit this hill overheated, a little woozy, and darn tired!  Why in the world did anyone think adding a hill at this point was crazy!  They could have easily designed a flat path into the stadium.  My foot faltered and in a moment, I was on the verge of walking in the last tenth mile with six ran miles behind me.  In that brief moment of exhaustion and weakness, a thought popped into my head, "You CAN do this!"  I mustered what little bit of energy I had left and pushed through, crossing the finish line in an hour and ten minutes.  Beauty is that was the exact same time I got when I ran my first 10k last fall!

Of course in a constant effort of second-guessing and belittling myself I began to remind myself that if I hadn't had that moment of weakness at the end of the race, I would have done better.  I knew I could do better.  So, I made up my mind to do better, train better, and PR at the Bolder Boulder's sister race, FORTitude Labor Day weekend.  I can do this!!

My coffee table is now littered with books on running.  I have a tendency to check out half the library on a specific topic when I want to learn more.  Normally I look at one or two of the hundreds of books I check out while the rest sit.  Not this time!  Each book I checked out has nuggets of important information that will help me on my journey this summer.  I'm working on a training plan for FORTitude in Septemeber and my first half marathon in August.  I prefer to create my own training plans based on existing plans.  It's a bit of overkill, but I can tailor a plan to fit my schedule so I'll stick to it.  That is a key to my success.  Having a plan that I know will work with my busy schedule make training easier and dare I say it, fun.  I will not let fear of failure cloud my judgment and keep me from this goal!